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Wednesday
Mar112015

No, Toilet Paper, I Won't Go Commando

 

 

Anarchy, I tell you, anarchy! (Credit: Cottonelle) 

BY KENNY HERZOG

Of all the dastardly, dirty tricks. First, Cottonelle wants to commandeer my TV time, wining and dining me to discover whether I wipe my bottom with care (answer: sometimes). But that wasn't enough. No. Then they had to open a dialogue about the different nicknames I use for my butt (answers: poopy-kins, tough-stuff and mother). Now, however, they've simply gone too far. The toilet-paper empire and their fetching British spokeslady, UK actress/TV personality Cherry Healey, are insisting that I delight in the rippled comfort of their two-ply product and then ditch my underwear altogether. Look and listen for yourself:

Well, I've got news for you, Ms. Healey: Much as I loathe pesky elastic lines around my waist and crave the reassurance of that squeaky-clean, post-No. 2 feeling like everyone else, I refuse to abandon the only article of clothing that separates me from the animals and Amber Rose. What's next? Cottonelle parent corporation Kimblery-Clark recommending antsy elder consumers ditch their pesky Depends, or that forward-thinking parents forego the company's Huggies in deference to some baby wipes and a wish for the best? This is lunacy, I say, absolute lunacy! And totally unhygenic and desperate and weird. And while I can't speak for the ladies, as Cosmo Kramer (a risk-taker in the area of personal care if there ever was one), once so wisely declared, "My boys need a house."

Would you go commando? Or perhaps simply prefer brands don't pander to you with creepy ads that dance around the universal truths of bodily functions? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below.

And for more stuff like (and very much disparate from) this, and other pop-culture thoughts, followKenny Herzog and REVIEWniverse on Twitter. 

References (2)

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  • Response
    Response: essays on time
    Your discussion is not so clear about using the toilet papers. It just looks like that you just mixed up two or three things for making news. But the process that you demonstrate over here about cleaning is good, but I think that this is an expensive one.
  • Response
    Response: www.gmail.com

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