Wednesday
Mar182015

'Married at First Sight' Season 2 is Serious Fun and the Real Deal

 

We're rooting for you Ryan R., even if your wife-to-be isn't. (Credit: A&E)

BY ROBBIE WOLIVER

Married at First Sight could be a joke. You know those ridiculous relationship shows with their panel of “experts.” A perfect example is the absolutely silly, salacious-with-no-pay-off Sex Box, where participants supposedly engage in public sex in a large box in front of a TV audience, while the annoying experts discuss the couple’s relationship. You can read here why Sex Box will leave you speechless. But A&E's Married at First Sight, just starting its second season, is no such joke. It’s the real deal, one that more than proved itself in its engrossing and highly successful first season.

Marriage at First Sight’s premise is that the panel of experts—sexologist Dr. Logan Levkoff, psychologist Dr. Joseph Cilona, sociologist Dr. Pepper Schwartz (yes, she goes there) and spiritual advisor Greg Epstein—who are all likeable and credible, apparently work very hard to determine who is compatible with whom. After being selected, the couples then have ten days until they marry—sight unseen, trusting that the due diligence the experts conducted (including checking everyone’s refrigerator) will work. They get legally married, have a reception, get sent off to their hotel room…and then a honeymoon. They then move in with each other. After four weeks of living together, and negotiating sex, they make up their minds whether they want to stay married or get a divorce. I would imagine if any of the participants and their disbelieving families saw Season 1, they would have less trepidation about Season 2. It is a modern (televised, of course) version of an arranged marriage.    

Not only was Season 1 of MAFS gripping to watch (read REVIEWniverse's Kenny Herzog's insightful take), it has produced some very strong marriages. (See: next week’s year-later televised marriage renewal between the originally cold-footed bride Jamie Otis and her hard-not-to-root-for groom Doug Hehner.) And who didn’t love and wish the best for Cortney and Jason? Only one of the arranged marriages, Monet and Vaughn, didn’t work. And we knew that would happen the minute we met Vaughn.

So Season 2, which debuted last night, begins with great promise. This season there’s an interfaith couple (Ryan D. is Jewish and Jessica is Catholic; Jessica hinted that her mother might not be thrilled if the groom isn’t Catholic) and an interracial one (Davina and Sean). Interesting leap.

While one of the potential couple’s pairing makes us nervous from the start—the sweet, good-hearted Sean Varricchio, 35, a trauma nurse from New Jersey, and Davina Kullar, 34, a driven pharmaceutical sales rep from New York City, who is Indian but only wants to be paired with “white men.” Sean’s parents are very much against this pairing of the two oldest participants, whose main commonality is that they were both bullied as youngsters. Davina’s family will not participate at all. They want a traditional courtship and wedding. Wait. Isn’t an arranged marriage traditional in India? (And Davina’s best friend Chris? What’s that about?) On the groom’s side, the apprehensive, very unhappy looks on Sean’s mom’s face are worth the ride, and methinks Davina might be a bit too much for Sean to handle, but that’s what a TV season is all about…we’ll see. We will definitely hear the experts talk often about this couple’s “hurdles.”  

Ryan DeNino, a 29-year-old hunk from Staten Island, was paired with Jessica Castro, a bubbly, emotional 30-year-old receptionist from NYC. When Ryan showed up at the wedding ceremony, Jessica’s mom yelled out, “Perfect!”

But it’s the Ryan Ranellone/Jaclyn Methuen pairing that we will be following most closely. Ryan R. is the standout star of the season, with his big toothy grin and goofy inclinations. But why do we love him most? He has taken it upon himself to be “uncle, big brother, father” to his orphaned niece. He’s also a mama’s boy, and it seems like we’re gonna just love Mom. He and Jaclyn seem to be the Jamie/Doug of this season, and at this writing, we don’t even know if their marriage will even happen. Jaclyn, a 33-year-old sales representative, seemed completely turned off when she first laid eyes on her intended, Ryan, a 28-year-old real estate agent from Long Island…uhm, I mean…Lawn Guyland. Ryan arrives with his gigantic white smile and his thick accent. Jaclyn, feeling the nerves and having the whole marriage thing sinking in, is not happy with the selection made for her.  And there’s a lot at stake for her. Jaclyn previously explained why she hasn’t had sex for two years. She’s picky. “If I’m not that into you, I’m not letting you into me, really,” she explains.

In a replay of Jamie’s initial hesitancy at the altar in Season 1, Jaclyn has her doubts as she meets her groom: “I first see Ryan and my gut’s just…oh man, like this isn’t…oh god, shit,” Jaclyn says in voice over.
“My initial reaction is like, ‘Shit,’” Jaclyn said. “His accent is going to really annoy me…When I saw him face to face, I was a little disappointed. It just doesn’t feel like this is the man that’s my husband.”

Remember when Jamie was repulsed by her husband-to-be? Now they couldn't be happier. Take heart, Ryan and Jaclyn. (Credit: A&E)

Ryan said “I do,” but Jaclyn hesitates for a long time, and the episode ends without her answering. Will she or won’t she?

This series is a fascinating experiment, with incredible drama. The weddings are harrowing to watch; the nervousness is palpable. And the awkwardness thereafter is reality TV at its best.

Married at First sight could have been as salacious and silly as Sex Box, but instead, it is a provocative, deep and often moving display of modern-day courtship, romance, love and attraction. It’s fun being a fly on the wall here.  

Season 2 of Married at First Sight airs Tuesdays at 9 p.m. EST on A&E.

For more stuff like this, and other pop-culture thoughts, follow REVIEWniverse on Twitter.

Saturday
Mar142015

Six Ways 'Game of Thrones' Left Us Speechless  

 

Even King Joffrey is choked up over all those dear souls lost over four seasons. (Photo Credit: HBO)

BY CHRIS HEALY (REVIEWniverse Guest Contributor)

On April 12, Game of Thrones is set to debut its fifth season, which subsequently is the best present ever. That’s right, I shamelessly plugged my own birthday.  As anticipation ensues, we can only wonder who’s going to get the axe this year, and maybe we’ll get some actual redemption for others. I’m looking at you, Theon.

Whether it be a sprawling action scene or brutal depiction of a character's demise, Game of Thrones has proven itself to leave a lasting impression on the public’s psyche. The show has never shied away from leaving us speechless, whether it be killing a beloved character or allowing a despicable villain to endure.  George RR Martin may be the king of screenwriting serial killers, and he seems to relish in our pain and suffering.

Here’s a list of the top six ways Game Of Thrones left us contemplating the meaning of life:

6.  Khal Drogo Gives Viserys His Well-Deserved Crown

Watch out who you cross, Viserys. Just sayin'. (Photo Credit: HBO)

You might think when partying with a band of Dothraki, that you’d be in for a good time.  Alcohol, sex, more sex, and wedding brawls are all commonplace for these people. If that’s your cup of tea, that is.  However it would be in bad taste to not warn you of crossing any one of these blood-thirsty conquerors, even if they have in a roundabout way given you some vague promise of a crown. Apparently Viserys didn’t get the memo, and was swiftly dispatched as a result. After angrily disrupting Khal Drogo’s wedding party, Viserys sealed his own fate.  Word of advice, don’t anger your local Dothraki warlord, unless you want a smelted version of a luminous crown on your head instead of a girl in your lap.
 

5.  Jaime Lannister Pushes Bran Stark Out of the Tower in Winterfell.

No, don't worry. They don't harm kids on TV. (Photo Credit: HBO)

It's earned its spot on the list, because it was the first episode of the show to air, foreshadowing that there will be no punches withheld in the land of Westeros. Young Bran is caught watching Jaime and his sister Cersei having sex, all while nimbly traversing his way to the top of the tower, against his mother’s wishes.  What happens next seems to get diffused in other shows, but not Game of Thrones, and certainly not HBO.  Jaime launches the boy out of the window, in an attempt to keep his relationship with his sister a secret.  Don’t worry Bran, you’ve got big things coming to you.
 

4.  Ned Stark’s beheading

No, don't worry. They don't kill the lead, most beloved character in the first season. (Photo Credit: HBO)

Oh, he’s our main hero right?  We’ll follow him all the way to the end, right?  There’s no way they can kill him when he has so many wrongs to right. You wouldn’t be out of line to think any one of these things. 
Honest, brave, loyal, and honorable, Ned Stark was our beacon of hope in this dark, gritty world. But then you double-take, realizing that it's Sean Bean portraying this man.  Oh wait, doesn’t he die in EVERY single movie he’s in? I’ve got a strange feeling that his character’s death is written somewhere in his contract when he signs on for these roles. While many consider this moment the most shocking, it isn’t uncommon anymore for shows to kill off a main character (watch out, Z Nation's Sgt. Charles Garnett!!) at the end of the first season, to give it real weight, and consequence. Plus, how can you be so reverent and not die, this is the Game of Thrones!

3. King Joffrey’s Mandate, Kill All of Robert's Bastards!

Boo! Hiss! Wish you were gone, King Joffrey! (Photo Credit: HBO)

What a horrifying montage of death.  From teenage boys, to toddlers, yes, even a baby, Joffrey will stop at nothing to prevent his would-be father Robert Baratheon’s promiscuous activities from one day usurping his right to the crown. In one of the more painful moments in the show (and that’s saying a lot) the Kings Guard is seen slaughtering children of all ages, and by all fashions.  The moments seemed particularly catered to a certain cause of death. Oh, is that a lake? Perfect place to drown someone don’t you think? I think we can agree the baby being stabbed in the whorehouse was probably the worst.

2. The Purple Wedding

Oops, wrong wedding! But we take back our boos and hisses. We miss you, Joffs. (Photo Credit: WeddingDecorations.com)

Why isn’t this moment No. 1 you might ask? Well, as shocking as it was, many people saw this coming even if you hadn’t read the books, whether it be from unavoidable spoilers on Facebook to your own intuition. From a despicable attempt to humiliate his brother Tyrion with a show of dwarves playing different contenders to his divine right, to straight-up pouring wine all over him. The scene was laced with doom from the start, certainly foreshadowing some sort of terrible event. As Joffrey took one last gulp of wine from his chalice, he blissfully thought he was fine, and then he wasn’t. Turning purple at the gills, bleeding from his eyes, our wishes had finally come true. While his death was certainly comforting, it’s worth noting that the most sadistic acts seem to be reserved for our beloved heroes. Which brings me to number one.

1.  The Red Wedding

No, they'd never...and look how happy everyone is at the start. (Photo Credit: HBO)

Here’s our new hero! We’re going to follow him to the end of time. He’s going to right all of the wrongs, and take the Iron Throne…wait, when have we made that mistake before? How’s your head hanging, Ned? Must be breezy atop King’s Landing this time of year, especially when winter is coming.
Whether you were aware of the impending doom for our hero Robb Stark or not, this moment will go down in TV infamy. All seems well for our protagonist and his supporters, as they celebrate the union of House Frey and House Stark. Only problem is, this wasn’t quite the union that Walder Frey had in mind. Feeling betrayed by Robb, who married love over political power. Robb had been promised to one of Frey’s daughters, but made the decision we all might make, and that every hero in every film has ever made. Love conquers all right? Since Game of Thrones straddles the line between reality and fantasy, but mostly reality, this was certainly Robb’s downfall. Love doesn’t conquer all, armies do, and this is a lesson he learned the hard way, watching his family and followers brutally murdered. The show added an extra punch, especially for the book readers, in that Robb’s wife Talisa Stark was also present. She and Robb’s unborn son were the first to die in the betrayal, cementing a horrifying visual in our heads, making us want to crawl into a ball and contemplate the meaning of nihilism.

Take a look at the Season 5 trailer.

For more stuff like this, and other pop-culture thoughts, follow REVIEWniverse on Twitter.

Thursday
Mar122015

Six Reasons to Love (And Hate) 'House of Cards' Commander-in-Chief Frank Underwood

 

Frank Underwood: Always up to no good. (Credit: Netflix)

 

BY MIKE VIGLIETTA (REVIEWniverse Guest Contributor)

For those who don’t watch House of Cards on Netflix, I want you to do something: Watch the damn show.

Now that we have that out of the way, let’s get to talking about my boy, Francis James Underwood (Kevin Spacey). Surely, if you like the series, you’ve either finished the newly released season three or you’re in the middle of it. Either way, President Underwood will have your mind in a pretzel. I don’t know whether to love this guy or hate him, so let’s break out the yellow legal pad and write down the pros and cons.

PROS:
1.  He's An Animal
No, Frank isn’t the golden retriever puppy you’d always hoped for when you were a kid. Frank is the Great White that will sneak up and rip you apart from sea to shining sea. He shows a drive that no other politician in the show, and maybe in real life, seems to have, and he 150 percent knows what he wants. America loves a leader who knows what they want.

2. Freddy Seems to Like Him, Right?
Freddy! The former rib-shack owner might be my second-favorite character. Freddy Hayes (Reg E. Cathey) comes off as the kind of guy who can read anyone like an open book. Whether it be the President of the United States or his mailman, he knows what’s up. Freddy seems to have knocked down Underwood’s walls, making him one of the more important characters in the show right now. Vote for Freddy 2016.

3. Frank Likes to Look Into Our Souls (the Camera) and Lie To Us 
Don’t lie to me. Look me in the eyes and tell me that when Frank looks into the camera and drops some Southern boy knowledge on you, you don’t become Frank Underwood for a split second or maybe even the rest of the day. And when Frank does his signature double knock on the desk in the Oval Office at the end of season two, you definitely had a charge of adrenaline course through your veins.

CONS:
1.  He's An Animal
"Wait, you already put this as a pro," you're saying. Yeah, dude, I know, but with being the Great White comes Great Ruthlessness. Frank has killed people, or hired others to kill people, just to move up the ranks. Remember Zoe (Kate Rooney Mara)? We loved her! Next thing you know, she steps in Frank's way and Frank promptly copies and pastes her onto the front of an oncoming train. How about Rep. Peter Russo (Corey Stoll)? The comeback kid! One wrong move with Frank and all of a sudden our friend Pete is riding shotgun all the way to his fake suicide. I’m sure Frank’s list will grow by season four, and we can only hope that Freddy won’t be on it.

2. Doug Stamper
What else do I have to say about this? All I have to do is type his name and a wave of anger comes crashing over me and I’m washed away by the smell of cheap whiskey and a decaying Rachel Posner (Rachel Brosnahan). I thought we had our moment in season two when ol’ Dougie (Michael Kelly), Frank's chief of staff, seemed to have been riding in Death’s taxi on the highway to Hell. But one way or another, Doug convinced Death to turn the car around, and here we are with this creepy bastard on my TV screen, and I don’t think I can handle another season of this guy.

3. Frank's Kind of Got a Chub for Petrov. Everyone Sees That, Right? 
Now, this isn’t a reference to Frank and Edward Meacham (Frank's bodyguard) getting down together in season two. Although it was surprising, that pales in comparison to my point here. Frank envies Russian President Viktor Petrov’s (Lars Mikkelsen) lifestyle. Petrov, House of Cards' Vladimir Putin, lives a life where he isn’t questioned about anything he does. There are no consequences for him. Petrov is a God in his country. Frank lives a life where everything is under a microscope. He’s got reporters, members of Congress and his own wife breathing down his neck 24/7/365. Frank has a presidential style and personality that is eerily familiar of the totalitarian we all know and love in Mother Russia.
 
Overall Assessment: It hurts to say this, Frank, but from the bottom of my heart: Fuck you.

For more stuff like this, and other pop-culture thoughts, follow REVIEWniverse on Twitter. 

 

Thursday
Mar122015

The 10 Most Addictive, Un-Redeeming Series On TV

 

 

"Watch my show!" OK, I will. (Photo Credit: Bravo)

BY JENNA MACRI (REVIEWniverse Guest Contributor)

In public, I pretend I’m not that person who is helplessly addicted to trashy television. “Ugh, you watch that show?” I’ll sneer at friends, “God, I lose brain cells whenever I pass by it on TV!”

Little do they know, my pompous ass is firmly planted on the couch at 10 p.m. sharp, Monday thru Friday, remote in one hand and a pint (of ice cream, of course) in the other. And so the ritual begins: the indulging in trashy television, some programs so dimwitted I can actually feel my IQ dropping.

Keep in mind, I am notoriously picky about my guilty pleasures. I provide you with a list of the Top-10 TV shows with no redeeming qualities that we’re all silently itching to tune in to:

1. REVENGE

As with Kate and Leonardo, Amanda and Jack are headed for doom. (Photo Credit: ABC) 

I didn’t choose to become addicted to Revenge. I more or less fell into it. In a desperate attempt to soothe the pains of returning to the single life (and to stop blowing her paycheck at the bars), my 26-year-old sister decided to take up binge-watching television as a second job. When I first caught a glimpse of Revenge, I outwardly judged her for tuning into the cheesy Hamptons drama; but inside, I knew we were headed toward a dangerous path.
Favorite Scene: When Nate realizes Amanda is trying to sink the sailboat because a light on the dashboard reading “HIGH WATER” begins to blink. As an avid boater, I promise you – that warning light doesn’t exist on any watercraft. And if it did, it wouldn’t wait until there was two feet of water in the cabin before it turned on.

2. RIDICULOUSNESS

Yep. Her T-shirt says it all. (Photo Credit: MTV) 


No, this show does not appear on the list due to its name. Okay. Maybe a little bit. But really, this show is a constructive way of watching an endless loop of YouTube videos (at least Netflix warns you periodically that you’re wasting precious moments of sleep that you’ll never get back). Rob Dyrdek tried sprucing up the show by bringing in special guests. It didn’t work.
Favorite Scene: Whenever they show Chanel West Coast’s face. Realizing that a beautiful woman can look so painfully dumb makes me feel better about myself.

3. DANCE MOMS

If nothing else, Miss Abby is always so sweet. (Photo Credit: Lifetime)

I woke up this morning aggravated that my mom was screaming at the top of her lungs while I was trying to squeeze another three minutes of sleep time in. And then I realized I fell asleep while watching Dance Moms. There is something pitifully enjoyable about Abby’s terrible acting skills. Also, it makes me grateful to realize that unlike myself, those little girls will never have to worry about how they made fools of themselves while drunk-dancing with that smelly frat guy last night.
Favorite Scene: When one of Abby’s sworn enemies paraded around the competition with a megaphone and screamed in people’s ears. I take great joy in the pain of my enemies – Abby is one of them.

4. KING OF THE NERDS

Our bad. Wrong cast. (Photo Credit: Cosmopolitan Magazine)

We all knew these people in high school. In fact, there is some dispute as to whether or not I was one of those people. This show convinces me that maybe I wasn’t as awkward as I felt. These nerds make me cringe. And come on, Nerdvana? Do nerds even listen to grunge?
Favorite Scene: Whenever that one super-adorable Asian woman (there’s one in every season; choose your favorite) gets really, really angry, and no one takes her seriously because she’s super kawaii.

5. BIG GIANT SWORDS

Here's a video, just to prove we didn't make this show up. 

I genuinely enjoy this program. I don’t understand bit of it, but I freakin’ love it. If a guy named Irish Mike can have a best friend named Amerimike and they can spend their days crafting obnoxiously large weaponry, America truly is a free country. I have a feeling this series’ days are numbered, but I’ll stick through until the end. Or until I fall asleep because damn is that show on late.
Favorite Scene: The first time they showed Irish Mike’s apathetic wife. That poor woman looks about ready to put one of those big giant swords to use.

6. HOT BENCH

As if one judge wasn't bad enough. (Photo Credit: Big Ticket Entertainment)

I credit my mother with getting me hooked on this one (good taste in trashy television is hereditary). The only thing more annoying than one judge listening to people’s bullshit cases is three judges listening to people’s bullshit cases! Like, come on, what the hell are the other two good for, anyway?
Favorite scene : Whenever Judge Tanya Acker goes off on Judge Larry Backman. I wonder how much they had to pay that guy to sit on a panel with two women.

7. ROBOT CHICKEN

Robot Chicken takes on some R-rated Disney princesses(Photo Credit: Cartoon Network) 

What’s this show about? Hell if I know, but I’ll watch that shit for hours. (OK, maybe this answers my self-concerns brought up in the King of the Nerds section.) Robot Chicken spoofs everything pop-culture. I sometimes find that after watching Robot Chicken I start seeing reality in claymation and speak in funny accents. I like it.
Favorite Scene: If I comprehended even the tiniest bit if it, I would tell you. But I don’t. Still love it unconditionally, though!

8. MY STRANGE ADDICTION

Oh, oookay? (Photo Credit: TLC)

This show is the obsession of all obsessions. Woman addicted to eating mattress stuffing? Check. Guy caught sticking his member in his car’s tailpipe? Check. Teenager who is in a romantic relationship with seven blow-up pool toys? Check. How scandalous!
Favorite Scene: When tailpipe fetish guy admitted to his father that he’s deeply in love with his car, Chase. I keep watching the episode over and over again, because I swear I can hear the father’s brain combust in the background!

9. MY 600-LB LIFE

Giuiiana Rancic will be starring in her own series: My 6-Pound Life. (Photo Credt: E!)

Aside from the fact that this series capitalizes on morbidly fat people, I genuinely enjoy each person’s journey to recovery. Keep in mind that I’m usually indulging in the before-mentioned pint of ice cream (Ben & Jerry’s Half Baked, if you have to know) while tuning in, so I usually end up crying halfway through the pint. But that doesn’t stop me from finishing it.
Favorite Scene: When you find out whether or not the former particpants have stuck to their weight management plan. Some of them have a terrible attitude, and I secretly want them to be featured on the impending special My Giuliana Rancic Life!

10. The Real Housewives of New Jersey

Yes, Teresa, your show has a taken a toll on all of us. (Photo Credit: Bravo) 

This series sits at the bottom of the list because that’s where it belongs. Teresa, I hope all the inmates pluck your hair out when you go to prison. Caroline, I just want to pinch your little cheeks until shut the hell up. Dina, there is something jacked up about your face and I can’t quite put my finger on it, but it’s not just the facelift. I just love all you snobby, catty, Botox-shot-up whores to death.

Favorite Scene: Whenever E! organizes a Real Housewives reunion. Let those fists fly, ladies! 

 

If your favorite mind-numbing shows are missing (Mob Wives, anyone?), please share in the comments section below.

For more stuff like this, and other pop-culture thoughts, follow REVIEWniverse on Twitter.

Thursday
Mar122015

10 Things 'The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt' Gets Right About NYC

 

 

Yes, Kimmy, this is what New York City is all about. (Credit: Netflix)

BY RACHAEL FUNK (REVIEWniverse Guest Contributor)

The first season of Tina Fey’s latest triumph, The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (and here's the catchy theme song), was released on Netflix this month. It begins with a group of ladies, the “mole women” (as they are referred to in the Kimmy-Schmidt-media), getting rescued from the subterranean bunker where their underground apocalypse cult kept them hidden. The women realize the world has not ended, as they were told, but continued above them without detection for 15 years.

Immediately after their rescue, the mole women are featured on Today before they're allowed to go home and resume their lives in Indiana. During a moment of euphoric empowerment, Kimmy decides to stay in New York instead of following the group home.

 

The events that follow cut close to the bone if you are a 20-something female out in the world just trying your best, much like our girls at the Fey-BFF Amy Poehler-produced Broad City, which I raved about in a recent post

The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt is an endearing look at New York through the eyes of a charmingly naive newcomer. Ellie Kemper, who we loved in...well, everything she's ever done (The Office et al), has now entered that hallowed hall of female comedy leads like Lucy, Carol Burnett, Mary Tyler Moore, Marlo Thomas, Fey and Poehler. From the pristine joke setups to the guest stars, this show is a solid hit and so easy to love.

As a transplant to New York myself, I get Kimmy Schmidt because in many ways I AM Kimmy Schmidt. The following is a list of 10 things the show gets 100 percent right about living in New York for the first time.

1.  You Don’t Have to Say You’re New (Everyone Can Tell)
First of all, get that shit-eating grin off your face. The only people who are constantly beaming like that are either about to wreck something or they’ve got their hand down their pants. It’s unnerving. You have an aura of freshness which hasn’t yet been dampened by the airborne dirt in the city, and it’s pissing everyone off. You get no points for moving here, so please stop bragging about it. New Yorkers KNOW they have the greatest city, so your best bet is to keep your head down and zip your lip. At least that way, fewer people will try to mug you out of spite.

2.  At Some Point, Something of Yours is Gonna Get Took
As noted above, you stick out. Especially if you’re wearing a damn backpack in a club, you asshole. Unless you’re going to wear that bag backwards, Moonbump style, there’s a good chance a grimy hand is going to find its way in there.

3.  Everyone is Batshit Insane
Most people have a good reason, though, so get out of the way. We all have places to be, and the fact that you’re taking your half of the sidewalk out of the middle is going to get you tackled.

4.  Unless You Know Someone, That First Apartment is Going to be a Doozy
Are you cool with living with a stranger, paying more than your half of the rent, and living in a closet? Good.

5.  “That is Definitely Not Miss Piggy”
If you’re not sure what you’re looking at, yes forward, keep moving. It’s better not to know.

6.  You Can Handle Anything for 10 Seconds at a Time
That goes for dealing with your friend’s eighth-floor walk-up, power outages on the subway and those special city nights when there’s nowhere to pee. Count it out, don’t panic. You’ll eventually find your way to Penn Station, where you can pee just about anywhere.

7.  Bringing Friends Back Home is Going to be Weird
But that’s true no matter where you move. Just fake it until you make it. Your old friends will warm up to the new ones.You'll have early morning madness! You'll have magic in the making! Yes, everything will be as if you never said, "Troll the respawn, Jeremy."   

8. You Might Develop “Very Distinct Scream Lines”

Always say no to the plastic surgery. Better to have scream lines than Dr. Framph’s face. I mean Dr. Grant.

Dr. Framph/Grant can cure your ills. The brllliant Martin Short, folks. (Credit: Netflix)

9. The Babysitters Club Series of Chock-Full-of-Wisdom-and-Information You Can Use Daily 
I always thought of myself as a Dawn, but follow your bliss, baby!

10.  New York Very Much is a Magical Wonderland
New York is like Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory: You’re surrounded by orange people and you need to be really careful about what you put in your mouth. Use good judgment, and eventually you’ll be fine. Probably.

For more stuff like this, and other pop-culture thoughts, follow REVIEWniverse on Twitter and you can follow Rachael Funk on Twitter @FuntasticMe