Entries in Mitt Romney (2)

Wednesday
Jan042012

Who Cares About Mitt and Iowa? Justin and Jessica are (Reportedly) Engaged!

REVIEWING THE "DAAAAAMN, THAT'S GONNA BE ONE GOOD-LOOING BABY!" ENGAGEMENT NEWS: Justin Timberlake reportedly popped the question to long-time lover Jessica Biel, and this is one impending celeb nuptial that has us in seventh heaven.

By Crispin Reynolds

Somebody call hot police, cause these two are four-alarm hotties!

 

While all of America spent yesterday evening worrying about some Hanukkah grinch named Mitt and his silly caucus, US Weekly was preparing a bombshell story that put everything into focus. The tabloid alleges that Justin Timberlake popped the question of questions to his stunning piece of brunette babe-candy, Jessica Biel, way back in December whilst the pair was on holiday. 

Oh, deary me, oh my. Sad as myself and Jairem are that J-Timb is off the meat market, we're kvelling and are downright over the cherry moon for this sexy twosome of Manna from heaven. The only thing that could possibly sour our elation is if the news turns out to be false, and Us' "insider" sources get revealed as impostors. But until that moment arrives, we shall merely blush humbly in the wake of such marvelous undertakings.

 

IN OTHER WORDS: I haven't the faintest idea why I've suddenly channeled the spirit of a genteel southern dame.

JUSTIN AND JESSICA ENGAGEMENT RATING: Three Cheers!/10

THE POSSIBILITY OF IT BEING JUST A DASTARDLY RUMOR RATING: Heavens, No!/10

CAN JAIREM AND I ATTEND IF WE SAY WE'RE FROM THE MILITARY AND RECORD A YOUTUBE VIDEO ASKING TO BE INVITED? RATING: Oh, You're Too Kind/10

 

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Tuesday
Dec202011

Mitt Romney Wishes Jews a Misspelled Happy "Hannukah"

 

REVIEWING THE NEWS: The former Massachusetts governor and current Republican presidential hopeful shows how important it is to "believe in America" by Tweeting a questionably spelled holiday wish to his country's Jewish population.

"So ya see, on the 13th night of Narniakah, the Jews ran out of lighter fluid...."


You down with GOP? Yeah, you know me. NOT! Sorry, couldn't help ourselves. The real reason we interrupt your regularly scheduled Tuesday-evening rituals isn't to reappopriate Naughty by Nature hooks as conservative political anthems, but to wag our finger at Republican presidential aspirant Mitt Romney. 

Roughly two hours ago today, the one-time Massachusetts governor and handsome devil of a Mormon had someone in his campaign Tweet out a little recognition to his Jewish peeps. As you can see from said globally broadcast message, it appears either Romney and/or his social-media handlers are either too lazy to spend 30 seconds fact-checking, don't care enough about a constituency who's way out of their pocket anyway, or have discovered ancient scrolls documenting a previously unknown additional day of celebration in the Hebrew calendar known as "Hannukah." As in, per Romney's Tweet, "Tonight, as Hannukah begins, Ann and I extend our best wishes to all our Jewish friends celebrating the Festival of Lights."  

In fairness, Mitt isn't the first person who's tripped over the double-"n" (although even the KKK manage to get it right). But even the slightest investigation would have suggested preferred and virtually accurate transliterations (Hanukkah and Chanukah are generally accepted, and even Chanukkah among some Rabbinical purists), and someone running for our highest office should be held accountable to that modest standard of diligence and respect.

 

IN OTHER WORDS: Merry Krismas, Mitt.

IT'S BAD ENOUGH WE CAN HARDLY FIND A MENORAH WITHOUT SCHLEPPING TO BED BATH & BEYOND THESE DAYS RATING: 8 Days/10

JEWS HAVE BEEN AROUND A BIT, MITT. GET IT RIGHT RATING: 10/10

WHAT SHOULD WE EXPECT FROM A GUY DESCENDED FROM THE OLD COUNTRY OF DESERERETERETERET RATING?: 1849/10

 

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