Entries in ESPN (4)

Thursday
Jan262012

Pat Sajak and Vanna White's Wasted 'Wheel of Fortune' (Video)

REVIEWING THE SAUCY NEWS OF TWO THOROUGHLY SAUCED GAME-SHOW CO-HOSTS: Pat Sajak says he and Vanna White were the ones doing spins in the early days of Wheel of Fortune. Cause they were wasted!

By Crispin Reynolds

"I'm with stupor." 

And here we all thought you had to be a charming man working at an adverising agency in 1963 in order to knock back some cocktails during the day shift. As it turns out, the early 1980s were swingin' like a single malt of devil-may-care. Or at least if you were on the lot of Wheel of Fortune when Pat Sajak and Vanna White first commanded their decades-long stint as host and letter-turner. 

The seemingly toupeed Sajak sat down with troublesomely goateed ESPN chat host Dan Le Batard yesterday afternoon for, mostly, no apparent reason. Although the WOF icon did get around to addressing whether he ever took to the airwaves much less than sober. Well, wouldn't ya know it: That dastardly Pat and volutpuous Vanna would, according to Sajak, head across the way to a Mexican restaurant mid-taping, mull life's deeper meanings over three or four margaritas, and then finish an episode despite having "trouble recognizing the alphabet." 


 

 

Naturally, Jairem and I were appalled when we viewed the above clip. Not because the intoxicating game-show duo was inebriated all those years, but because they slummed it with margaritas when everyone knows that at lunchtime, it's Cosmos one craves. Even if they do tend to leave one bankrupt.

 

IN OTHER WORDS: I'll solve the puzzle please: How Many Drinks Did It Take for Pat to Make Inappropriate Sexual Insinuations Toward Vanna?

 

PAT AND VANNA'S LIQUID LUNCHES RATING: Lol/10

PAT SAJAK BEING IN THE NEWS RATING: Lose a Turn/10

 

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Thursday
Nov102011

A Few Words on Joe Paterno and the Penn State Student Riots

 

REVIEWING THE NEWS: This whole mess on College Avenue is a rare instance in which almost everyone is wrong.

By Kenny Herzog

We should reserve judgment on Joe till we hear all the facts, but school officials, students and, naturally, media are clearly guilty of making a bad situation worse.

 

Late last night, in the wake of news that Penn State University's legendary football coach Joe Paterno had been fired, riots broke out on College Avenue, the central thoroughfare that runs through PSU's ironically dubbed Happy Valley. Students who weren't even born when the 84-year-old Paterno had already reached theoretical retirement age rallied, chanted and expressed their outrage through vandalism and anger. It was an unfathomable and rapidly descended low point amid a totally deplorable series of revelations and accusations implicating Paterno's longtime assistant coach, Jerry Sandusky, in heinous acts of child molestation, and possibly Paterno himself in not properly addressing the situation several years prior.

By this morning, Facebook posts and Tweets from mortified onlookers, most of whom were probably wired into ESPN's sensational coverage, conveyed a largely unified sentiment that PSU rioters are defending the protector of a pederast. That itself seems a bit black and white. Paterno, like anyone else, deserves the benefit of presumed innocence. Not because he's an icon and a Pennsylvania/college-athletics deity. Far from it. It's because he's a man with no prior documented misconduct who's been accused of criminal negligence, but has yet to offer his own testimony. He also acquiesced to impending retirement yesterday morning before Penn State trustees opted to nip that issue in the bud, axeing Paterno and university President Graham Spanier, effective immediately, in hopes of avoiding further distractions from their program come Saturday's game against Nebraska. 

That, clearly, backfired. And what we have here, to quote Cool Hand Luke, is a failure to communicate. A failure by PSU administration and trustees to effectively express the complexity of the situation to their student populus before covering their own ass. A failure by the students to communicate with each other and/or their on-campus mentors in an organized and educated fashion before abusing their privilege to protest. And a failure by ESPN in particular to try and offer some perspective, rather than simply encourage and inflame by rubbernecking their own televised footage.

What allegedly transpired over multiple decades between Sandusky and the children in his Second Mile charity program is incomprehensibly disturbing and enraging. And if Paterno turned a blind eye at any point to Sandusky's indiscretions, all for the sake of keeping his and the Nittany Lions' intertwined legacies crystalline, then that's just irredeemably sad, infuriating and reason to thoroughly evaluate our cultural ethos.

These are the real talking points in this story, not whether the stature of one tenuously corrobarative individual will be thought of differently by sports enthusiasts and current PSU undergrads in 30 years. And that's what makes these riots in particular so demoralizing in their own right: It's just a bunch of young kids angrily reacting to the notion that their heroes aren't perfect, without anyone there to remind them just how flawed human beings can really be, and how lucky they are.

 

IN OTHER WORDS: What a mess.

THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS IS JUSTICE FOR ANY VICTIMS AND THEIR FAMILIES RATING: 10/10

 

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Thursday
Oct062011

UPDATE: Hank Williams Jr./ESPN Part Ways: A-Duh

 

 

REVIEWING THE NEWS: The controversial country putz will never sing that annoying song for Monday Night Football ever again.

By Kenny Herzog

We'll always have this picture, which will always be heeeeelarious. 

 

And who said we weren't an objective news source? Of course, our tongue is only planted firmly in cheek because of the seeming formality of ESPN's announcement that it will permanently part ways with Hank Williams Jr., longtime performer of the "Are You Ready for Some Football" Monday night anthem and noted ignoramous. 

We don't want to belabor the no-brainer aspect of their decision, as we've certainly had plenty to say on the matter these past couple days. Although it is worth noting that in response to ESPN's official statement today that they will move forward without his estimable services (and, one assumes, to the indifference his illiterate apology was greeted with), Williams Jr. commented to the Associated Press that, “I have made MY decision.... Me, My Song and All My Rowdy Friends are OUT OF HERE.”

And with that statement, the confused Repulican "patriot" has invoked yet another nearly two-decade-old comedy sketch that perhaps best sums up what makes him so not worth caring about. This time, courtesy of Michael Showalter, Thomas Lennon and '90s MTV comedy troupe The State (wait for it....):

 

 

IN OTHER WORDS: As they say down south in at least one baseball stadium, "Na na na na/Na na na na/Hey Hey Hey...."

ESPN PARTING WAYS WITH WILLIAMS JR. RATING: Good Decision on Taste Alone/10

WILLIAMS JR.'S MORONIC PARTING SHOT: 0/10

NOW WE'RE READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL: Two-Point Pop-Culture Conversion/10

 

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Tuesday
Oct042011

Hank Williams Jr. Is More Than An Idiot, He's Dangerous

 

 

REVIEWING KENNY'S REVIEW OF THE NEWS: Kenny Herzog has a great take on Hank Williams' anti-Obama statement, but it goes deeper than Williams Jr. being the "idiot" that Kenny called him in this article posted below.

By Robbie Woliver

What would the Dixie Chicks Do?


Remember when the Dixie Chicks took Bush Junior to task for making up that whole Weapons of Destruction War? Remember how they were crucified by their country music brethren? They were demonized. Kenny, while on point, has missed one very important fact about Williams' (who's damn ugly) seditious Obama statement. It's damn dangerous, inflammatory and inciteful. "We're more polarized than we've ever been...we're polarized," he says egging his already unhinged Tea Party crowd on, attempting to put more than two words together.     

Articulate as ever, Williams, Jr, continues to explain to his rather flabergasted Fox interviewers: "In the country this shape is in..." Williams Jr., a Sarah Palin fan, then calls Obama "the enemy." Imagine some fourth-rate singer calling Bush the enemy during his term--these idiots would be calling them traitors and would be ruining their careers. Oh, wait, they did do that.

IN OTHER WORDS:  Williams Jr. comparing Obama to Hitler is like, well, someone comparing Williams Jr. to WIlliams Sr. There is no comparison.

CRAPPY MUSIC/MORONIC STATEMENTS RATIO RATING: 0/0

TRAITOR RATING: 10/10

DIXIE CHICK THAT SONOFABITCH RATING: 2003/2011

 

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