Thursday
Dec012011

John McCain Insults the "Regrettable" "Long People" of Long Island 

 

"THEY SAID IT, WE DIDN'T" REVIEW: Doddering Senator John McCain, from the illustrious state of Arizona, says stupid stuff.

By TSIWD Staff

Taking his clue from well-regarded Long Islander Joey Buttafuocco, Sen. John McCain seems to be an assman, er, asshole.

This week, on the Senate floor, Senator John McCain, the man who catapulted Sarah Palin into the spotlight (and the heir apparent to REVIEWniverse's inaugural TSIWD honoree Kate Gosselin), announced:

"Last I checked, Long Island was part -- albeit sometimes regrettably -- part of the United States of America."

and then apologized:

"In an exchange here on the floor ... I mentioned the wonderful long people -- wonderful Long Island, I made a joke."

Perhaps he forgot that Long Island has been fighting America's battles for centuries and comprised much of the selfless first responding that took place on 9/11. Oh, and that REVIEWniverse Editors Kenny and Robbie are both native Long Islanders, and proud to be "long people" along with Amy Fisher, the Lohans and the Gilgo Beach serial killer.

IN OTHER WORDS: We just hate the regrettable short people of Arizona. Except, of course, for the amazing Gabrielle Giffords and our grandparents.

THANK YOU FOR PUTTING THE TERM "LONG PEOPLE" INTO THE PUBLIC CONVERSATION RATING: 10/10

DODDERING OLD FOOL RATING: 75/looooong years

THEY SAID IT, WE DIDN'T "OY VEY" RATING: 8.5/10

"OY VEY" IS LONG ISLANDESE FOR "MCCAIN IS AN ASSHOLE" RATING: 10/10

BIG FAT LOSER OF A BIG FAT ELECTION RATING: 2008/2011

 

Please friend us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter.

Have your own rating or comments you'd like to share? Please do so in the comments below.

 

Thursday
Dec012011

Horse Slaughter: My Little Pony Might Be Your Little Burger (Petition)

REVIEWING THE UNCONSCIONABLE CONGRESSIONAL NEWS: Help stop the reinstating of widespread horse-slaughter.

By Robbie Woliver

Self-Explanatory.


After being banned for five years, the slaughtering of horses for public consumption—as in eating horse burgers for dinner—is, well, back on the table. Congress just lifted a ban on funding horse-meat inspection, which in effect put an end to horse-meat slaughterhouses after a massive public outcry in 2006. The horse/animal activists were able to push the inspection law through after failing several times to stop horse slaughter in general. But the old glue factory seems to be back now that the spending bill designed to keep our government floating was signed on November 18.

If any slaughterhouses open, animal activists have already warned there will be trouble, and we have learned in the past that thesefolks mean business. The Humane Society of the United States has already vowed all-out-war if any horse slaughterhouses open.

With Steven Speilberg’s War Horse about to open, and a new generation of equine lovers being awakened, the act of horses being served as food will only become more distateful to Americans. But there are pro-slaughter activists as well, and they are chomping at the bit and anticipate about 200,000 horses slaughtered per year, beginning as soon as a month from now.

For the time being, you can at least sign the ASPCA’s anti- horse-slaughter petition.

 

IN OTHER WORDS: Neigh to this abhorrent turn of events.

NO TO SLAUGHTERING HORSES RATING: 10/10

TAKING A MOMENT TO SIGN THE ABOVE PETITION RATING: 10/10

PROVIDING THAT LINK TO THE PETITION ONE MORE TIME RATING: Just Takes a Moment/10

 

Please friend us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter.

Have your own rating or comments you'd like to share? Please do so in the comments below.

Wednesday
Nov302011

Kourtney Kardashian Blah Blah Second Baby Blah Blah Scott Disick Blah

 

REVIEWING THE NEWS THAT AFFECTS LITERALLY NO ONE IN THE WORLD IN ANY WAY: That lady who's related to that other lady is having another child with that tiny guy. 

 

By Crispin Reynolds
Maybe baby No. 2 can graduate Kourtney from Life & Style to Us Weekly

 

Just when I thought Jairem and I could relax and enjoy a drama free week of Zumba and Zinfandel, Kim Kardashian's less naturally enhanced older sister, Kourtney, had to go and announce the impending birth of her second child with flaccid yuppie Scott Disick. And put me in the unsavory position of starting a blog post with that much exposition. 

 


After all, it's not as if Kim and ex-hubby Kris Humphries haven't already filled our autumn with enough scandal to span an infinity-part mini-series or anything. No controversy here though. Just another Kar-Disick offspring soon to join nearly 2-year-old Mason on the wild ride from treasured baby bump to infant tabloid pinup.

 

Well, I've done my job. Now all Kourtney has to do is carry that socialite seedling to term and squeeze it out her headline-maker. Blah, blah. Blah. Blah. 

 

IN OTHER WORDS: Blah blah blah blah.

 

KOURTNEY BLAH BLAH BABY BLAH RATING: Blah/10

 

IS KOURTNEY MISSUS DISICK RATING?: LOL/10

 

Please friend us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter.

Have your own rating or comments you'd like to share? Please do so in the comments below.

Tuesday
Nov292011

Patrice O'Neal Deserved a Better Final Goodbye than 'Roast of Charlie Sheen'

 

REVIEWING THE NEWS: Extraordinarily funny standup comedian/actor Patrice O'Neal passed away after complications from a stroke, and it's just too bad we last saw him being teased about his diabetes on Comedy Central's Roast of Charlie Sheen.

By Kenny Herzog

A funny, funny man. (Credit: Comedy Central)

 

I saw Patrice O'Neal do standup live several years ago. He was an underdog on a bill with unlikely contemporaries including anti-comic's comic Neil Hamburger and Mr. Show cult favorite David Cross. It was a predominately white, 20-something audience, in a venue better known for hosting rock shows. And O'Neal killed it. Nearly a decade later, his act that night remains on a short list of sets by the late Robert Schimmel and a handful of others that had me laughing with such joy and release. 

O'Neal, sadly, passed away today at just 41 years old, following a prolonged stay in the hospital after suffering a diabetes-related stroke in October. That is the real news, and the real tragedy. Of lesser relevance, but still regrettable, is that O'Neal's final major TV appearance was during Comedy Central's Roast of Charlie Sheen. As is customary for the increasingly rote broadcasts, O'Neal was ribbed by his peers, mostly because he struggled with weight gain and diabetes. At the time, O'Neal was a good sport, and playfully jabbed his fellow humorists back for their callousness. 

Chances are, O'Neal, ever the working comic's comic, was merely grinning and bearing his way through a paycheck. But in retrospect, it's truly sad that his unofficial comedy sendoff amounted to a public shaming by individuals less funny and affable than himself, as part of the network's opportunistic celebration of Charlie Sheen, a man who gleefully wastes his good health and fortune. 

Below is just one great example of where O'Neal's talent truly lied: On a stage, with an audience waiting to laugh with him. 

 

IN OTHER WORDS: Rest in peace, and thanks for many funny nights.

PATRICE O'NEAL'S DEATH HOPEFULLY BRINGING ATTENTION TO HIS WARM HUMOR AND TRAGIC ILLNESS RATING: 9/10

FUCKING CHARLIE SHEEN RATING: Ugh/10

 

Please friend us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter.

Have your own rating or comments you'd like to share? Please do so in the comments below.

Tuesday
Nov222011

Hallelujah, There's a New Leonard Cohen Album (AUDIO)

 

 

 

REVIEWING THE NEWS: "Show Me The Place" is the preview track from a new Leonard Cohen album to be released on January 31, 2012 by Columbia Records.

By Robbie Woliver

Leonard Cohen is ready, once again, to show us the place where art meets genius. (Credit: Columbia Records)

It's been seven years since the iconic Leonard Cohen released a new song, and "Show Me The Place," is a sneak peek at his upcoming highly anticipated, much-unexpected studio release Old Ideas. The dirge-like song (duh, Leonard Cohen, dirge?) is as stark as anything he's ever recorded. The gravel in his voice is as coarse as ever and it stands on its own for the most part, without his usual sweet counterpoint, his expected orchestra of female background vocalists who serve as one of the most effective production techniques in contemporary music. This track is all deliciously sour, without any of the familiar sweet.

The spin on this new disc is that it is his "most overty spiritual," which says a lot considering this is the artist who brought us the much overplayed "Hallelujah."

The reclusive Cohen wowed America with a series of stunning live performances in 2009 (read our review here), and now he's ready to do the same with a new entry into his already impeccable canon, with new songs: "Amen," "Going Home," "The Darkness," "Anyhow," "Crazy To Love You," "Come Healing," "Banjo," "Lullaby," "Different Sides" and "Show Me the Place." From the titles, and Columbia's press release, it's nice to see that the issues that kept him so brooding over these decades such as transcendence, sexuality and loss have not subsided. And how great is a song called "Banjo" by Leonard Cohen gonna be?

And guess what, fans? The 77-year-old Mr. Cohen wants to tour behind this new album. Do not, I say, do not, miss Leonard Cohen on tour

Here is a live clip of the slithery, bluesy "The Darkness," which is included on the album:

 

Here is a first listen of Cohen's latest song "Show Me The Place." Show Me The Place by leonardcohen

 

IN OTHER WORDS: He's our man.

 

OLD IDEAS ANTICIPATION LEVEL RATING: Unbearable/10

OLD IDEAS VS. NEW IDEAS RATING Leonard Cohen/Ke$ha

LEONARD COHEN RATING: God/10

Please friend us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter.

Have your own rating or comments you'd like to share? Please do so in the comments below.

 

 

 

Page 1 ... 3 4 5 6 7 ... 11 Next 5 Entries ¬Ľ